Part 2 of January
Second half of January
Aside from loosing almost $1300 on our D.C. vacation, we didn't end up going on, Quinn being diagnosed with type 1 diabetes during a near death experience, and dealing with a roomba that basically ate and smeared poop all over my house... The second half of January hasn't been nice to us either.
I have a question for anyone willing to answer. How many of you have half siblings? How many of you that have half siblings, actually are on good terms with their half siblings? How many of you aren't?
I have two half brothers I have never gotten to know. We have the same father, who is a man I haven't had in my life in over 12 years. I seldom think about that side of my family. Mostly because of the pain that side of my family caused my siblings and I, we choose to separate ourselves.
Out of the blue my sister calls me up and informs me that one of my brothers has suddenly passed away in his sleep. I was stunned. My reply was delayed because I literally had no idea what to say. With Quinn so close to death, in a much more dramatic circumstance, I couldn't even begin to understand what his family was going through at that moment. I finally said the only thing I could think of at the time which was, "Oh no... are you serious?" She had gotten close to him the last few years and was building a relationship with both of them. And here I was so stubborn when I was younger to not open that door, and up until now, with them never on my mind.
I am honestly ashamed I let myself get to a point when they were not even a thought in my mind. There was so much pain, I hid so perfectly behind it for so long, I successfully shut it all out so I could never revisit it until I was forced to. I am so emotionally torn between how I feel, what I regret, what I fear... I never in my life thought that I would be dealing with opening up this much... stuff and right at the beginning of the year. Is 2019 trying to kill me?
Emotionally I am so exhausted by all of this, but with the funeral just around the corner, I hope I can get through it with grace and then start focusing on really getting Quinn to tip to shape!
Aside from loosing almost $1300 on our D.C. vacation, we didn't end up going on, Quinn being diagnosed with type 1 diabetes during a near death experience, and dealing with a roomba that basically ate and smeared poop all over my house... The second half of January hasn't been nice to us either.
I have a question for anyone willing to answer. How many of you have half siblings? How many of you that have half siblings, actually are on good terms with their half siblings? How many of you aren't?
I have two half brothers I have never gotten to know. We have the same father, who is a man I haven't had in my life in over 12 years. I seldom think about that side of my family. Mostly because of the pain that side of my family caused my siblings and I, we choose to separate ourselves.
Out of the blue my sister calls me up and informs me that one of my brothers has suddenly passed away in his sleep. I was stunned. My reply was delayed because I literally had no idea what to say. With Quinn so close to death, in a much more dramatic circumstance, I couldn't even begin to understand what his family was going through at that moment. I finally said the only thing I could think of at the time which was, "Oh no... are you serious?" She had gotten close to him the last few years and was building a relationship with both of them. And here I was so stubborn when I was younger to not open that door, and up until now, with them never on my mind.
I am honestly ashamed I let myself get to a point when they were not even a thought in my mind. There was so much pain, I hid so perfectly behind it for so long, I successfully shut it all out so I could never revisit it until I was forced to. I am so emotionally torn between how I feel, what I regret, what I fear... I never in my life thought that I would be dealing with opening up this much... stuff and right at the beginning of the year. Is 2019 trying to kill me?
Emotionally I am so exhausted by all of this, but with the funeral just around the corner, I hope I can get through it with grace and then start focusing on really getting Quinn to tip to shape!
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